What to put on a wedding invitation: the complete checklist

I have now helped with two of these, a daughter and a niece, and both times we made the same discovery at the kitchen table: what to put on the wedding invitation is short, and everything else is long. The trick is knowing which is which. Here is the list we used the second time, when we knew better.

On the invitation itself

This is the part that should read like an engraved card, however it is delivered. Five things, in this order, and then stop.

• Who is inviting. The parents, both families, or the couple. "Together with their families" if you want everyone in and nobody first.
• The request. "Request the pleasure of your company" for formal, "invite you to celebrate" for warm. Pick one and keep it.
• The two names. Full names on a formal invitation. First names are fine on a relaxed one, but only if every guest knows both families.
• The date and time. Written out for formal, in numbers for relaxed. Say the time of the ceremony, not the time you would like people to arrive; if you want them early, tell them on the details page.
• The place. Venue and town. The street address goes on the details page with the map.

On the details page, one scroll below

On paper this used to be a second card and an insert or two. On a digital invitation it is the rest of the page, in sections, and guests find each thing where they expect it. Tick these off.

• How to reply, and by when. The single most important line after the date. A real date, not "as soon as you can".
• The full address and a map link. Plus parking, if there is a trick to it, and the name on the gate if the venue has one.
• The order of the day. Ceremony, drinks, dinner, dancing, with times. Guests plan childcare and taxis around this.
• Dress code, in words a guest can act on. "Cocktail attire" is clear. "Festive" is a question.
• Where to stay. Two or three hotels, the block, the code, the deadline.
• Children. Say it once, kindly, on this page: "We are keeping the celebration adults only" or "Little ones are very welcome; tell us their names when you reply so we can plan their meals."
• Food. If there is a choice, name the dishes. Ask about allergies in one open line.
• Gifts. Low on the page, gently. A registry link, or "your presence is enough", or where to send a card.
• Your story, if you like. Two short paragraphs, how you met, nothing sad. My daughter's guests read this first, every one of them.
• Who to call. A name and a number for the day, ideally not the bride's.

The things people forget

• The reply deadline on the invitation, not just on the reply card that gets lost.
• The time zone, if guests are flying in. "4 p.m. Eastern" has saved more than one traveling cousin.
• Whether there is a gap between ceremony and reception, and what to do with it.
• Weather. If the ceremony is outdoors, say so, and say what happens if it rains. Guests dress differently for a field and a ballroom.
• Shoes. Grass, sand, cobbles and stone terraces all have opinions about heels. One line spares a lot of ankles.
• Transport home. Last shuttle time, or the taxi number. Nobody wants to work this out at midnight.
• Phones during the ceremony. If you want an unplugged ceremony, one polite line here, not a speech on the day.
• The wedding hashtag or the photo album, if you are collecting photographs. Say how, in one line.

What not to put anywhere

• Registry on the invitation card itself. Always the details page, always low.
• "No gifts" in capital letters. Say it once, softly, or not at all.
• A dress code that needs a paragraph. If it takes more than one line, it is a mood board, not a dress code.
• Anything negative. No "do not", no "under no circumstances". Say what you would like, not what you fear.
• Anyone's mobile number who does not want to be called at 11 p.m. on the day.

The checklist in one place

Print this or save it. We kept it on the fridge.

• Hosts named, or "together with their families"
• Both full names
• Date with the year, and the ceremony time
• Venue and town on the invitation; full address and map below
• Reply deadline, and how to reply
• Order of the day with times
• Dress code in plain words
• Hotels with a booking deadline
• Children: welcome or adults only, said once
• Food choices and one line for allergies
• Gifts, low and gentle
• Weather, shoes, transport home
• A phone number for the day that is not the couple's