How do I collect meal choices and allergies from wedding guests?

Ask every guest, by name, for their own entree and their own allergy, and collect the answers in one place the kitchen can read. That is the whole method; the rest of this page covers the details: what your caterer needs and by when, which questions belong on the reply, and how the four common ways of collecting it compare. It is written by The Digital Envelope, and our own invitation collects this on the reply, so we describe that near the end and say so plainly.

What does the caterer actually need, and by when?

Caterers ask for a final, guaranteed count on a date written into the contract. Evolved Catering & Events in Maryland writes that most caterers want it a few days to a week before, often 48 to 72 business hours ahead, and up to a week for larger plated dinners; Kahn's Catering in Indianapolis asks for five working days. Planning sites put the outer edge at two weeks: Preoccupied Bride says no later than 14 days out, and in some cases 30; Text My Wedding says 7 to 14, with some venues asking for 21. So the deadline sits somewhere between a few working days and two weeks before, and only your contract says which. The number can usually go up after that date but not down, which Kahn's calls a guaranteed minimum. And for a plated dinner the kitchen wants the count split by entree, every allergy tied to a name, children's meals on their own line, and the vendors who work through dinner counted separately.

The one rule: per guest, not per household

The most common cause of a messy count is a reply that speaks for a whole household in one line. "The Parkers, 4, chicken" tells the kitchen nothing about the vegetarian daughter or the son with a nut allergy. Every person who will sit down to dinner names their own entree and their own allergy, with their own name next to it. That is what a caterer means by an allergy tied to a name, and it is what makes place cards and a seating chart by meal possible later. One reply per household is still fine, and easier for guests; the point is that inside it, each person is a separate line.

What to ask every guest

Keep it to what the kitchen can act on. Five items cover nearly every wedding; the sixth is only for families.

• Full name. First and last, so the reply matches your list and the place card.
• Coming or not. Before anything about food, because a no needs no entree.
• Entree choice. The two or three mains from the caterer's menu, one pick per person. Name them the way the menu does.
• Dietary restriction boxes. Gluten-free, dairy-free, vegetarian, vegan, nut allergy, seafood or shellfish allergy. Tick boxes are faster for guests and cleaner for you than a blank line.
• A free-text note. For everything the boxes miss: egg, sesame, soy, a religious requirement, a serious allergy that needs a word about severity.
• Children's meal. If children are invited, mark each child so the kitchen counts a kids' plate rather than an adult entree.

What not to ask

• Medical detail beyond what the kitchen needs. "Nut allergy, serious" is enough; no one needs a diagnosis, a medication or a history.
• Preferences that are not restrictions. "Do you like fish?" produces answers the caterer cannot use; a menu choice does the same job cleanly.
• Anything the kitchen will not cook to. If there is one set menu with no alternatives, ask only for restrictions and allergies, not an entree.

Four ways to collect it, and what breaks in each

If you use paper cards, print a line per invited person with the names already filled in and a small box for each entree beside every name; a card that only asks for a number attending cannot tell you who chose what. A form or a website both work well when the household answers per person, at the price of a second thing to open. Digital wedding invitations with RSVP fold the reply into the invitation, so the meal fields are part of the same tap.

How to word the question politely

Guests answer food questions readily when the question is short. A plain menu choice and a line for allergies reads as care, not paperwork. Three wordings, from formal to relaxed:

Put the allergy line after the entree, not before, so the choice is made first and the note refers to it. More wording, including how to ask about children, plus-ones and song requests, is in wedding RSVP wording and the questions worth asking.

The nine allergens, and why the free-text line still matters

The FDA names nine major food allergens for labeling in the United States, listed below. Sesame is the newest: the FDA page says the FASTER Act made it the ninth, effective January 1, 2023. Your reply form does not need nine boxes. Tick boxes for the common ones, and a free-text line where a guest writes egg, sesame or soy, or adds "serious" next to a nut allergy so the kitchen plans around it.

• Milk
• Eggs
• Fish
• Crustacean shellfish
• Tree nuts
• Peanuts
• Wheat
• Soybeans
• Sesame (since January 1, 2023)

How this works on our invitation

We make this product, so read this section as ours. On our digital wedding invitations the reply is collected on the invitation, one reply per household, and every person in it is a separate line: the guest adds each adult or child by name, picks a meal for each from the list you set, ticks any of Gluten-free, Lactose-free, Vegetarian, Vegan, Nut allergy or Seafood allergy, and can add a free-text note for each person, for an egg allergy, a milk allergy (the Lactose-free box is not the same thing) or anything else. Children are marked as children, so their plate counts as a children's meal rather than an adult entree.

In your dashboard the "For the kitchen" tab shows the counts per meal, the number of children's meals, and the allergies and dietary notes as lines with the guest's name next to each item. A Print button gives a kitchen sheet to hand over, and "Download for Excel" gives a spreadsheet with the columns Household, Guest, Coming, Meal, Dietary notes, Email, Replied and Reply from, plus a row for every name that has not replied yet. Guests cannot edit a sent reply; if a meal changes, they write to you and you correct it in the dashboard. The reply-by date is shown to guests but does not close the form, so a late reply lands in the same table.

The week before: handing it to the kitchen

1. 01

   Chase the last replies

   Three days after your reply-by date, message everyone who has not answered and ask for a yes or no with their meal. A text from your own phone gets the fastest answers.

2. 02

   Fill the gaps yourself

   For anyone who replied without a meal, pick one for them and mark it as yours, not theirs, so you know which choices the guest confirmed.

3. 03

   Count, then add the vendors

   Total, then split by entree, then children, then the vendor meals on their own line. Check that the entree counts add up to the adult total.

4. 04

   List the allergies by name

   Name, allergy, and a word on severity where it is serious. Send the list with the count, and send an update the moment anything changes.

5. 05

   Send it on the contract date

   By email, so there is a record. Ask whether a few spare plates are prepared for the day, as The Kent suggests, and how late a small change can still be made.

How we put this together. On September 22, 2026 we read the FDA page on food allergens and FARE's list of common allergens, two caterers' own pages on final counts (Evolved Catering & Events in Maryland and Kahn's Catering in Indianapolis), a venue's page (The Kent, Memphis), and two planning guides on when the count is due (Preoccupied Bride and Text My Wedding). Everything about our own invitation and dashboard was checked against the product as it runs today. We sell one of the methods on this page and have said which.